The New Men: Women

A friend of mine thought she might be pregnant and was freaking out. She’s like “Is it normal to order a large pizza, eat the entire thing and on your way out eat a calzone?”

No. “Is it normal to throw a tantrum at a relative then prank call a girl from 7th grade?” No. “Do you think it’s weird that I cried over a Chevy commercial, then masturbated to Frankenstein?” Yes. “Is it weird that I told my mom I hate her side of the family?” Yes. Listen hoes, quit hittin it and quittin it and praying for the right outcome. She thought two times unprotected was cool and now look. The poor girl can’t sleep, she’s gone to the doctor three times and she’s stressing herself skinny. It’s not worth it. Get on the pill, take a stick in the arm, take a morning after pill or do something. It’s not worth the stress.

Take it from a hoe. I’ve been there. I’ve had the unprotected sex, had a weird feeling, an itch that didn’t make sense, a dandruff flake I thought was a disease….it’s just too much.

Girls if you’re sleeping with us look dead in our eyes and ask if we’re clean. You can tell by our jaw moving if we’re telling the truth or not. I always tell the truth. Thank God the girls I’ve slept with get tested then report back to me on my health. I’m too scared to go. I just wait it out. I was sending girls to the doctor left and right in 06. I’ve since calmed down but there is no greater scare then the thought that it’s over and you’ve got some shit. Sure herpes is curable now with a pill and a prayer but still. So if you’re going to be reckless at least lower the odds with proper grilling technique and FBI style questioning. I’d hate to see you throw it all away cuz you got duped by some meathead who lied to you.

Why am I blogging to women about safe sex? Oh my friend was freaking out, that’s right. I forgot. Plus it just goes back to the old adage, women are hoes, men are studs when it comes to multiple partners. Although I will say after seeing Bridesmaids, one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen, women may be the new men.

Peace – Single Mike